Emotional Pretense:

>Despite the crucial role of emotions in sincere communication, there are circumstances in which deceptive emotional messages are conveyed. Obvious examples of emotional pretense can be found in romantic relationships, for example, using the tactics of “hard to get” or “easy to get”: in both cases, the emotional message is somewhat deceptive, and the receiver is not supposed to take it at face value. In playing hard to get, the other person is encouraged to continue sustained efforts to interest the player despite apparent evidence of disinterest; in playing easy to get, the other person is encouraged to engage in sexual courtship while the player does not always intend to engage in sexual activity. In playing hard to get, an emotional “yes” is replaced by a verbal “maybe,” and in playing easy to get, an emotional “maybe” is replaced by a verbal “yes”...

Our effort has some role in the generation of love and sexual desire. If a person seems unattainable these emotions are stronger. As someone once suggested, "By keeping men off, you keep them on." This has become known as the Romeo and Juliet effect: if real impediments exist, such as a family feud or marriage to another person, our love or sexual desire is likely to intensify. Indeed, playing hard to get is a most effective strategy for attracting a partner. It should be noted, however, that when the required effort is too immense and the probability of its success is low, people may give up the idea and may not invest extra effort. At a certain point, an increase in the effort required decreases emotional intensity since people begin to believe that the outcome for which the effort is being invested is actually unattainable and hence unreal ...

In what circumstances are each of the seemingly contradictory tactics, namely, playing hard to get or playing easy to get, more effective? The tactic of playing hard to get is most effective when used in the context of long-term love or the marital context in which a person wishes to be sure of the partner's fidelity. Long-term romantic love may have significant and enduring benefits for us and hence we are ready to invest a lot of effort and other resources in order to attain it. Playing hard to get forces the other person to make significant investments and ensures that indeed this person is ready to make a commitment to an enduring relationship. The tactic of playing easy to get is most effective when used by someone in the context of casual sex, where availability is the most important commodity. In this context, people are not ready to make a significant investment since the benefits are smaller and more temporary; hence, playing hard to get here will not be effective at all.

Both tactics are less effective when used by men. The more overt the sexual advances by men, the less attractive women find them—probably because women do not want men to consider them promiscuous. Playing hard to get is also less effective in men, as they are the ones who are socially expected to initiate the relationship.<

The Subtlety of Emotions, Aaron Ben-Ze'ev, 2001