Teasing:

Life and How to Survive It:

Robin Many believe that it’s helpful to be completely and absolutely sympathetic when someone’s in difficulty. In my experience that’s usually not true, except at moments of extreme crisis. Loving behaviour consists in being able to support people, while also being willing to challenge and criticise when that’s appropriate. After all, we all know how healthy it is to be able to laugh at ourselves. Yet that doesn’t mean we’re totally unsympathetic to ourselves, does it?

John No, and I remember your saying when I was in your group, that when people started laughing at themselves, they were beginning to get better.

Robin That’s certainly my experience. We need to stand back and find a little distance from our behaviour, to take ourselves less seriously, if we’re to learn and change for the better. And humour gives us that distance. It’s like teasing. When you tease someone, you are often alluding to some part of their behaviour which is problematic and which they need to look at. If it’s done with real affection, the person concerned will often examine themselves afterwards, and change as a result of what they see. But if it’s done with no affection at all, it’s experienced as persecutory; the person concerned won’t be able to see the funny side, or take the criticism on board, or change, because it’s too painful.

John Interesting. All comics know that they’re funnier if they have some affection for their victims.