Anger:

Josh, Living Fossils:

"For example, in Outlive, a great book about longevity, Peter Attia discusses the importance of emotional health in addition to physical health, using himself as an example. Attia has long dealt with anger issues, but it was only after rubbing elbows with mental health professionals that he began conceptualizing his anger as the result of childhood trauma. Specifically, “helplessness masquerading as frustration.”

It’s clear from reading Attia’s book, though, that he places an enormous amount of time pressure on himself. The number of things he does, and the standards at which he wants to do them, create a fragile life: if one minor thing goes awry, his whole day is thrown off. Isn’t it possible that time pressure is a bigger—or at least more proximate—factor in Attia’s anger, rather than something that happened to him over thirty years ago? I genuinely don’t know the answer, but it seems possible, and the solution is presumably much easier. Or at least more straightforward.

I find this is true in my life. One of the nice things about being a therapist is that my schedule is pretty much identical from week to week. This has allowed me to observe a trend: I’m a miserable grouch on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, and an absolute delight otherwise. Since I schedule most of my clients on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, I long chalked this up to emotional transference. My clients were infecting me with their foul mood. But eventually I realized this wasn’t true. First, I was usually irritable and overwhelmed on these days, not anxious or depressed as my clients were. Second, I really enjoy my sessions. I am hardly ever irritable or overwhelmed in them. But before, between, or after session, that is when the mountain of other things I have to do piles on and causes me to feel angry. Or, more specifically, territorial of my time.

On days without clients, this pressure is released—not only because I have more time, but because I can flex my schedule if need be. I might even work longer on these days and yet feel less pressure, because I’m working at my own pace and on my own schedule. This difference between proactivity and reactivity is possibly the main determinant in whether I am happy in a given day, and I have found the same is true for many of my clients. People want at least some ability to chase their day, rather than be constantly chased by it."

"Ernie is 30, lives at home, and plays video games all day. He could use some more structure; time pressure could provide it."