The impact of relationship‐contingent self‐esteem on mate retention and reactions to threat - C. J. Holden, V. Zeigler‐Hill, T. K. Shackelford, L. L. M. Welling - Dec 2018

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"An important aspect of self‐esteem is the extent to which feelings of self‐worth are contingent (Crocker & Wolfe, 2001; Deci & Ryan, 1995). Contingent self‐esteem develops when an individual derives feelings of self‐worth from successes or failures in a particular life domain. Contingent self‐esteem refers to an individual believing that there are goals or standards that he or she must meet to have value and worth as a person."

"individuals with low and high self‐esteem engage in different behaviors and have different responses to conflict in the relationship."

"Benefit‐provisioning behaviors incentivize continued investment in the relationship by highlighting the positive aspects of the relationship for the partner and include acts such as displaying love and affection toward the partner, enhancing one's appearance, and bestowing gifts on the partner. In contrast, cost‐inflicting behaviors impose costs on the partner if he or she should decide to leave the relationship or behave unfaithfully. Cost‐inflicting behaviors increase the probability that partners will continue investing in the relationship by making their defection appear to be a risky strategy."

"personality traits such as agreeableness and honesty–humility have been found to be negatively associated with the use of cost‐inflicting mate retention behaviors, whereas pathological forms of personality (e.g., detachment, antagonism) are positively associated with cost‐inflicting mate retention behaviors (de Miguel & Buss, 2011; Holden, Roof, McCabe, & Zeigler‐Hill, 2015; Holden, Zeigler‐Hill, Pham, & Shackelford, 2014; Pham et al., 2017)."

"individuals with high levels of self‐esteem report engaging in more benefit‐provisioning behaviors, avoiding cost‐inflicting behaviors (Holden, Shackelford, et al., 2014). This suggests that individuals who have relatively positive views of themselves may be more likely to focus the attention of their partners on the benefits that can be derived from the relationship, whereas individuals who have relatively negative evaluations (i.e., low self‐esteem) — or are uncertain about how they see themselves — may be more likely to resort to the imposition of costs to keep their partners investing in the relationship."

"The pattern that has emerged from these studies is that contingent self‐esteem is an indicator of vulnerability for individuals with high levels of self‐esteem, such that they behave in ways that are similar to individuals with relatively low levels of self‐esteem. This pattern is consistent with the view that contingent self‐esteem is an indicator of self‐esteem fragility (Zeigler‐Hill, Dahlen, & Madson, 2017)."

"In addition, contingent self‐esteem often drives self‐esteem level in that successes and failures in the domain of contingency (e.g., relationships) lead to fluctuations in self‐esteem level (Crocker & Wolfe, 2001)."