"Good Men":

Alexander / DatePsych:

>I saw a few comments on “good men” and dating. We get a lot of the incel perspective on dating, but here is what I think is a typical dating trajectory is for “good men” and how I would define “good men” in this context: Good men: these are men who don’t have many serious vices, they tend to be (reasonably) fit, or working on it. They tend to have good educations, or are in school if they are younger. They are motivated and hard-working. They vary in moral and ethical beliefs, some are religious and some are secular, but they are prosocial. They have “good personalities” such that their peers and women like hanging out and talking with them, at the very least. They don’t have extreme and obvious red flags. They aren’t male models (few people are), but they are handsome enough that women do like them. They have attractive hobbies. They have had past relationships; they haven’t had an experience of perpetual fruitless struggle with dating. This is not the cohort of men that gets zero matches on Tinder. They can go to bars, talk to women, and get phone numbers. They go on dates with women from apps (if they use apps) and women that they meet in person. This does not mean dating is “easy” for them. Women don’t fall out of the sky into their laps. They have to put forth effort. The whole dating and courtship search can be frustrating and take time. They go on dates and they often find that someone who was a romantic prospect wasn’t interested in them after a date, phone number exchange, or Tinder chat. They are also selective themselves: they reject women and screen women out. Again, dating is not easy for these good men - there is a bit of luck in finding someone who they like and who likes them back. They are not desperate. They have had women who liked them, but who they didn’t like back for any number or reasons. They have had women they shared attraction with. And they have experienced liking a woman who doesn’t return their affection. Usually, after some period of dating, they will enter a long term relationship. It could be a month or a year, but they don’t stay single forever. During early dating, some of these men will have had sex without going on to form a relationship, some won’t, and it largely depends on how sociosexually open they are and the kind of women that they pick. They are not having a steady stream of casual sex, often because they aren’t trying to - they are trying to date. They want relationships. But they do occasionally have sex outside of committed relationships. They are not long-term celibates, unless they are just very opposed to casual sex and choose to be. These guys go on to get married. They also form long term relationships they don’t get married in. They get divorced and they get remarried. They have lots of different relationship patterns and trajectories. What I don’t tend to see them do: 1. They aren’t lining up to commit to any woman with a pulse. The average woman does not have a dozen of these guys waiting around for her. They have preferences. 2. They aren’t self-isolating into a schizo hole. That’s basically antithetical to the “good relationship haver” personality. 3. They aren’t lifelong incels. The “good men” are never perpetually rejected by every single woman they interact with.<