Average Men / Women:

Alexander / DatePsych:

"The average man, statistically: overweight, does no sports or exercise, is in debt, plays video games daily, uses pornography regularly, believes in 3-4 conspiracy theories, has an education below a bachelor’s degree. About half of these average men will also have a mental illness. About half have no social hobbies or friends. The average woman: also overweight and sedentary, high emotional dysregulation, divergent political beliefs from men on average (feminist or left wing), not a virgin or “trad” in any sense, also in debt. I am not convinced that the average man is totally fine with settling for his “match.” I think what is more common is that these two types of people are just not attractive to each other, often even repulsive to each other. Both the average man and woman aspire for romantic partners who are better than them, but not just better - they aspire for romantic partners who are a different type of person. And that type of person is someone who generally is not attracted to the kind of person that they are. So you end up with a mutual attraction problem. Everyone in your dating pool who is your “match” comes with 3-4 deal breakers that not even the most hardcore incel would compromise on. She’s cute? Too many past partners. He’s cute? Not feminist enough. Perfect guy or gal out there that you do like - he or she doesn’t like you back because you don’t match their traits. They are dating “Chad” or “Stacy” already. There are two kinds of people who still do well in this environment: 1. People who compromise. They don’t have your “deal breakers.” The things that are deal breakers for you don’t bother them. Fortunately, this really is most normal people. If you can’t date someone because they are a little overweight, because they don’t share your beliefs on wearing a mask in the car, or whatever else then you immediately weed out a lot of people. 2. People who have all of the desirable traits - the top whatever percentage. More attractive people (not just physically) can actualize more of their mating goals more easily. So you have two solutions. You can start settling for normal people (which is probably hard and not desirable for many people - you can’t force yourself to be attracted to anyone) or you can make yourself into a person who is more attractive to others. Settling, however, isn’t just “she is a 5/10 in looks.” It’s also “I don’t mind that she voted for Kamala” or “she wants me to get the vaccine and stop playing video games so I will.” Alternatively, “He doesn’t want the vaccine” or “he voted for Trump.” If you are unwilling to change anything about yourself, while also accepting what romantic partners are inflexible on, you’re not really a settler. You actually have quite a high demand: that others change for your demands, but that you don’t change at all for theirs."