Voices:

John McElhenney:

>Of the dates I have enjoyed, the most rewarding were the ones where I had actually already spoken to the woman on the phone. The cadence and timbre of their voice carries a lot of information. Do they rush or interrupt? Are the excited? What words do they choose to express their thoughts?

Words. Powerful words. I live and breathe with words, but the sound of the human voice can bring and give me a nearly three-dimensional picture of the person. And those cues I am keying on are often well below the language and into the actual feeling I get at hearing the person's voice.

And I can't underestimate the number of dates I have skipped due to a lackluster connection on the phone. The disconnect is palpable when it's not there. Are they listening as well as telling? Are they interested in what you are saying? Can you hear happiness in their tone?

I know it sounds a bit "woo woo" but it's more subtle than your conscious mind. When there is a sensual connection to someone's voice, a little rise on the hair at the back of your neck, there's a good indication that they may also be a sensually focused person as well. And that's extremely important to me. I can almost hear their Love Language. And when it's not "touch" like mine, my heart knows much quicker than my brain. And I can get a reliable prediction of this quality in less than a minute on the phone.

In contrast, language skills can be wildly masked by the lack of "voice." Words without a voice are merely ideas. Once a woman has spoken the words, I begin to believe or disbelieve what they are saying from some much deeper internal sensor. You either get the rush or you don't.

And, of course, that's not to say that falling in love with someone's voice is a good idea either. I have let that idea run amok a few times to poor results. A fascination with the sound of someone's voice can lead to a hard miss once you've met the potential mate in person. There's no discounting the final frontier, in-person chemistry. Again, I think the voice delivers very powerful messages, at a level well below the words being spoken. But the eyes, when you see them and actually look, can provide all the information you need. I'm sure in the tribal periods, a glance carried "friend, enemy, or lover" information.<