Smart Men:

Remoff:

"Women are sexually attracted to smart men. In this study, intelligence and good income potential ranked right up there with good looks as components of a man’s sexual razzle-dazzle. In addition to its desirability, intelligence has something else in common with good looks. It’s mentioned quickly, almost in passing, as if it were a necessary prerequisite to all the other good things. When I asked women what it was about a particular man that made him attractive, a rather standard response was, “Well, to begin with, he was very intelligent.” More often than not, they would leave it at that and go on to describe other traits. Obviously it is the woman’s perception of the man’s intelligence that is reflected here. My rankings were not determined by any objective measure of intelligence. The perceived intelligence may be in relation to the woman herself or in relation to other available men. Whatever its origin, I suspect that if I had directly asked these women if their particular sexual partners were intelligent, almost all of the men would have been so described. For example, the woman in the following quote says that she could not fall in love with somebody who did not have intelligence. I've always respected his intelligence. Intelligence attracts me. I couldn't fall in love with somebody that just didn't have it. This woman described five men with whom she had been in love, but she mentioned intelligence in connection with only one. I suspect that this was an oversight on her part, that intelligence is so universal a requirement that its presence is assumed and therefore not always mentioned. (In my coding decision, I coded only one male of the five as intelligent.) Intelligence was often treated in an almost routine way. The following brief examples were pulled at random from dozens of similar quotes. He's very intelligent. I don't think there are many subjects that I could come up with that he couldn't talk about.

So he's very intelligent and all that. He was really sharpy bright, intelligent. He was super-intelligent. Bright I think that's important. He was intelligent. I knew that. I remember waking my mother up and telling her I'd met the most wonderful man. He was just very intelligent and that impressed me.

Some women are so impressed that they go into a bit more detail when discussing a man’s assumed intelligence. The next three women quoted are quite specific about the connection between sex and intelligence. The first woman does not verbalize the impact of intellect on sex but her description was in response to the question, “What made him sexually attractive?”

I met him because he's very intelligent. He's fanatical. He takes twenty-five credits; I take ten. The credits he takes are all calculus, physics, engineerings and he's a straight-A student, top engineering student in the entire school. His mind fascinates me. He's really stimulating. He gets A's and never cares about grades. He cares about how much he understands. He's really stimulated me mentally as far as studying more and he talks to me, and I have to try to understand him. I have to, I think. I've always felt contemptuous of all the men I've known except for John and Taylor and now Andrew. I don't feel contemptuous of him. I knew he was the smartest guy in the class. He's a genius. He s an idealist, highly intelligent, close to genius, so close that he could be in the Mensa Society. I found the intellect exciting. He's very intelligent, very intellectual. He knows a little bit about everything. He's just very sexy. This guy is like really intelligent. He constantly feeds me information and I love it. There's a real sexual attraction.

SEX AND I.Q.

The relationship between intelligence and sex is not unusual. Women often see a smart man as a sexy man. Women s appraisals of intelligence are not always dependent on indications of skill in school or on measurements of I.Q. that would qualify one for the Mensa Society. Their assessments can take a very practical turn and are often concerned with the application of ability. When I inform people that women list intelligence as one of the traits that make a man sexually attractive, I am told that my sample must be well-educated. But the educational level of the woman does not affect her need to perceive the men in her life as intelligent. A woman who never went beyond eighth grade is as likely to list intelligence as a sexually desirable trait as a woman with several degrees. The phrases they use to describe the intellect may vary. And sheer propinquity may account for the fact that college-educated women are more likely to describe college-educated men. But for women from all backgrounds, when the man lacks a college degree, the focus is shifted to his cleverness in other areas. The first quote is from a woman who never attended high school, the second from a college graduate 

He knew everything about medicine. He could put medicine together. He knew every prescription, you know, from working in the pharmacy for so many years. He just picked it up. It was like he could go to school today, take the test and have his diploma tomorrow. That was how much he knew. He never even graduated from high school, but he could pick up on anything. He could do anything, this and that. He was very, very handy. He's very intelligent. If you were to meet him you'd, probably think he was a college person but he wasn't. He only went, I think, to eighth grade, but he's mostly self-taught from the eighth grade on. He reads a lot.

Women become a bit uncomfortable when they suspect that they are brighter than the men with whom they are involved. It is possible to resolve this conflict by seeking out some virtue in the type of intelligence possessed by the partner. This is made easier if he possesses a skill that the woman does not.

He just barely got through school He very rarely reads and I read constantly. Of course, I tell him and then he knows too. But he knows things in a much more basic way. He sees the foundation and I see all the flowery growing stuff. He kind of helps me foundation-wise. There are a lot of things where he is much smarter, like he understands economics and economics just turns me off. So then he'll be talking. He has a different idea of history than I do.

There appeared to be almost a compulsion to see a man as intelligent. In some instances intelligence was stressed in spite of a poor school record. In other instances, a good school record enabled a woman to claim intelligence for her partner even though she failed to directly experience his quickness.  

He's probably the smartest person I've ever met. He retains information incredibly. He can repeat what he said four years ago or what anybody else said four years ago. He's super-smart. He's probably one of those super-intellects. He just wasn't your best student. Now the guy I'm living with, he's smart. He's got intelligence. He doesn't use it. He's a very opinionated person. He doesn't, you know. I like to be with somebody and discuss a movie, but he has no opinion. Or, you know, I'll try to discuss something, sexual roles. You know, I've got questions. And I want to know how he feels. He doesn't. Winston's got some intelligence. He said he went to college for a few years. I don't know if I believe it or not. But there's just some ways he talks and certain things he says just don't strike me as college material.

Sometimes I talk more intelligently than he does, and I've only been to the eighth grade. He was bright. I knew he was bright, not only because he was at a good school, but because, although he didn't talk much, when he did, it didn't come out stupid.

If a failure to say something stupid enables a woman to consider a man intelligent, it is no wonder that women are able to find so many intelligent men! The standards for intelligence vary widely from woman to woman. What remains constant is the need that women have to see their sexual partners as intelligent, at least those partners with whom they have an enduring relationship."

Drama:

Steven Pressfield:

"Creating soap opera in our lives is a symptom of Resistance. Why put in years of work designing a new software interface when you can get just as much attention by bringing home a boyfriend with a prison record? Sometimes entire families participate unconsciously in a culture of self-dramatization. ...

If the level of drama drops below a certain threshold, someone jumps in to amp it up. Dad gets drunk, Mom gets sick, Janie shows up for church with an Oakland Raiders tattoo. It's much more fun than a movie. And it works: Nobody gets a damn thing done.

Sometimes I think of Resistance as a sort of evil twin to Santa Claus, who makes his rounds house-to-house, making sure that everything's taken care of. When he comes to a house that's hooked in self-dramatization, his ruddy cheeks glow and he giddy-ups away behind his eight tiny reindeer. He knows there'll be no work done in that house."

What Is Interest Good For?

Paul J. Silvia:

"What is interest good for? Izard and Ackerman (2000) suggest a motivational function—“interest motivates exploration and learning, and guarantees the person's engagement in the environment. Survival and adaptation require such engagement” (p. 257). Diverse areas of research demonstrate beneficial motivational effects of interest. Studies of successful adolescents indicate that “undivided interest” promotes the growth of expertise (Rathunde, 1996, 1998, 2001). An experience-sampling study of high school students assessed subjective experience during school-related activities (Rathunde & Csikszentmihalyi, 1993). Three years later, achievement and talent were measured. Feelings of undivided interest during the first year of high school strongly predicted academic success, engagement with school, and teachers' ratings of achievement three years later. Reading research ... shows that people process texts more deeply and remember the material more accurately when the texts are interesting (Hidi, 2000; Schiefele, 1999). Furthermore, students are more successful in courses that they find personally interesting (Schiefele, Krapp, & Winteler, 1992). Finally, the experience of interest during an activity predicts the duration of engagement, volunteering to repeat the activity, and the development of skill (Deci & Ryan, 1985; Fisher & Noble, 2004; Prenzel, 1992; Reeve, Cole, & Olson, 1986). The motivational function of interest extends to activities that are not inherently interesting or appealing. Interest can bolster motivation to complete tasks that are boring and tedious. Much of what people have to do, such as washing dishes or compiling references, is boring. To boost their motivation to complete such tasks, people implement interest enhancing strategies (Sansone & Harackiewicz, 1996; Sansone & Smith, 2000a, 2000b; Sansone, Wiebe, & Morgan, 1999; Sansone, Weir, Harpster, & Morgan, 1992). For example, when people have to copy letters from a template, they make the task more interesting by competing against time or against their past performance levels, varying the artfulness of the lettering, or cognitively restructuring the task in ways that foster interest. The use of interest enhancing strategies predicts feelings of interest, which in turn increase persistence at the task (Sansone & Smith, 2000b). Some researchers suggest a second function—interest is adaptive because it motivates people to develop diverse experiences that can be helpful when unforeseen events occur (Fredrickson, 1998). Berlyne (1971a), for example, writes: “Since every scrap of retained information might help one day and thus adds its quota of security against future perplexity, frustration, and helplessness, it is easy to see that moments of freedom from more urgent claims (including those of sleep and rest) can hardly be better occupied than with activities that add to the nervous system's holdings in this commodity” .

The broaden-and-build model of positive emotions (Fredrickson, 1998, 2001) proposes that interest, like other positive emotions, lacks short-term functions associated with survival. Instead, interest serves long-term developmental goals: curiosity about the new and the possible broadens experiences and attracts people to new possibilities. The broaden-and-build model suggests that interest cultivates diverse experience by orienting people to new and unusual events and facilitates the growth of competence by motivating sustained activity in a specific area. The notion that diverse experience is an adaptive function of interest has an intuitive appeal. Indirect evidence comes from research on sensory deprivation. People typically find sensory deprivation intensely boring and unpleasant (Schultz, 1965). When confined to extended sensory restriction, people often experience hallucinations, show deficits in cognitive and perceptual performance, and exhibit disturbances of normal motivation (Fiske, 1961; Scott, Bexton, Heron, Doane, 1959; Zubeck, Pushkar, Sansom, & Gowing, 1961). Other indirect support comes from longitudinal research on stimulation seeking, a trait relevant to interest (see chapter 4). Stimulation seeking at age 3 strongly predicted intelligence at age 11, suggesting a possible role of diverse experience in cognitive development (Raine, Reynolds, Venables, & Mednick, 2002). Of the two functions of interest that have been proposed—interest as a motivational resource and interest as a facilitator of diverse experience—only the first function is well supported by research. Many studies, including experiments that manipulate interest, show how interest improves motivation and learning (see Hidi, 2000; Sansone & Smith, 2000b; Schiefele, 1999). The second function seems intuitively plausible, but it has not yet received the empirical attention that it deserves. The indirect evidence is intriguing, however, and future research should explore it further."

Überdrehtheit / Overexcitement:

"In der Überdrehtheit fühlt sich die Person oft kurzfristig gut – aufgeladen, energetisch, vielleicht sogar euphorisch. Das Gehirn ist in einem hocherregten Zustand, Dopamin und Adrenalin schießen hoch, was als „Spaß“ oder „Flow“ erlebt werden kann.

Von außen wirkt das aber nicht automatisch angenehm. Andere nehmen die Person oft als:

- zu intensiv oder „drüber“ wahr,

- emotional schwer greifbar, weil keine echte Resonanz entsteht,

- manchmal auch unangemessen fröhlich in Situationen, die Ruhe oder Ernst erfordern.

Das führt dazu, dass überdrehte Menschen paradoxerweise sozial weniger Anschluss finden, obwohl sie eigentlich Nähe suchen oder Begeisterung teilen wollen.

Das Wohlgefühl in diesem Zustand ist also eher ein innerer Hochlauf des Nervensystems, kein tiefes Wohlbefinden. Wenn die Erregung abfällt, folgt häufig Erschöpfung, Gereiztheit oder Leere."


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"In a state of overexcitement, a person often feels good in the short term—charged, energetic, maybe even euphoric. The brain is in a highly aroused state; dopamine and adrenaline surge, which can feel like 'fun' or being 'in the flow.'

From the outside, however, this doesn’t necessarily come across as pleasant. Others often perceive the person as:

• too intense or 'over the top,'

• emotionally hard to connect with, since no real resonance occurs,

• sometimes inappropriately cheerful in situations that call for calm or seriousness.

This paradoxically leads to socially less connection, even though overexcited people actually seek closeness or want to share their enthusiasm.

The pleasant feeling in this state is thus more of an internal nervous system high, not deep well-being. When the arousal drops, exhaustion, irritability, or emptiness often follow."

Überdrehtheit versus Zufriedenheit / Overexcitement versus Contentment:

"Überdrehtheit hat oft mit Überreizung, nicht mit echter Freude zu tun. Aufgedreht zu sein bedeutet, dass das Nervensystem überaktiv ist – durch zu viele Reize, Stress, Zucker, Müdigkeit oder innere Anspannung. Das wirkt äußerlich wie Euphorie, ist aber physiologisch eher ein Alarmzustand.

Bei Kindern sieht man das gut: Wenn sie „aufdrehen“, sind sie oft übermüdet oder überfordert, nicht wirklich glücklich. Sie lachen oder toben, aber ohne innere Ruhe oder Zufriedenheit. Echte Freude ist ruhiger, stabiler, weniger gehetzt.

Kurz gesagt:

Überdrehtheit = Erregung, oft Stress-bedingt.

Glück = Wohlbefinden, mit innerer Balance.

Das eine kann wie das andere aussehen, fühlt sich aber ganz anders an."

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"Overexcitement is often linked to overstimulation, not genuine joy. Being hyped up means the nervous system is overactive—triggered by too many stimuli, stress, sugar, fatigue, or inner tension. It may look like euphoria from the outside, but physiologically it’s more of an alarm state.

You can see this clearly in children: when they ‘get wild,’ they’re often overtired or overwhelmed, not truly happy. They laugh or run around, but without inner calm or contentment. Real joy is quieter, steadier, less frantic.

In short:

Overexcitement = Arousal, often stress-related.

Happiness = Well-being, with inner balance.

One may look like the other, but they feel completely different."

Interest:

Paul J. Silvia:

"Izard (1977) provides a description of the conscious experience of interest: At the experiential level interest…is the feeling of being engaged, caught-up, fascinated, curious. There is a feeling of wanting to investigate, become involved, or extend or expand the self by incorporating new information and having new experiences with the person or object that has stimulated the interest. In intense interest or excitement the person feels animated and enlivened. It is this enlivenment that guarantees the association between interest and cognitive or motor activity. Even when relatively immobile the interested or excited person has the feeling that he is “alive and active.” "

Emotions:

Paul J. Silvia:

"As William McDougall (1908/ 1960) observed, “a person who had not experienced [an emotion] could no more be made to understand its quality than a totally colour-blind person can be made to understand the experience of colour-sensation” "