I think you should travel a lot. You should have many deep conversations, and you should meet lots of new people. You should stop doing things half-assed. You should go all-in on quite a few things. At least for a while.
Samstag, 19. September 2026
Books and Travel:
For the first time in years, I’m doing deep reading on a regular basis. In addition, I’m traveling more than ever before.
Ein paar Tage:
Die letzten paar Tage gehörten mit zu den besten Tagen meines Lebens. Da sich in den paar Tagen in mehreren Bereichen meines Lebens Entwicklungen ereignet haben, die sich sonst auch in Wochen nicht vollziehen. Die Suche nach solch einer Dichte an Ereignissen durchdringt doch fast alles. Wenn jemand eine Reise macht, dann ...
Evo-Psych: High Self-Esteem
"From an evolutionary psychology standpoint, a high self-esteem man is not someone who simply “feels good about himself.” Self-esteem is treated as an evolved monitoring system—a sociometer or hierometer—that tracks how well he is doing on problems that historically affected male reproductive success: status, competence, formidability, resources, and mating access.
What the gauge is actually tracking
Men faced stronger selection for competing over mates and rank than women did. High self-esteem in men therefore tends to rise with:
- Evidence of status (prestige via skills/respect, or dominance via intimidation)
- Short-term mating success (number of partners tracks self-esteem more reliably in men than in women across cultures)
- Competence and resource-acquisition potential
- Physical formidability (strength and muscularity are among the more consistent predictors of both mating and, in some societies, reproduction)
Authentic pride (earned competence, respect) is linked to genuine high self-esteem and the prestige route to rank. Hubristic pride (arrogance, entitlement) is more tightly linked to narcissism and the dominance route. Both paths can raise status; they are not the same psychological profile.
Why the system exists
In ancestral environments, a man who accurately (or slightly over-)estimated his standing could:
- Calibrate how high he aimed in mating
- Decide when to compete versus defer
- Signal capability to others (overconfidence can function like a costly signal—only those with some real ability can sustain it without constant costly errors)
Low self-esteem in this framework is less a moral failing than a readout that one’s current social/mating value is low, which should reduce risky challenges and lower mating aspirations. High self-esteem does the opposite: it licenses approach, persistence, and higher aspirations.
Important caveats
- The system is domain-sensitive. A man can have high self-esteem from status or competence even if he is not especially physically attractive; the opposite pattern is more typical for women.
- Modern environments mismatch ancestral ones. Overconfidence that once helped in small-group competition can look like arrogance or poor calibration today.
- Correlation is not identity. High self-esteem often accompanies high status or mating success; it is not itself the fitness-relevant trait.
In short: evolutionarily, a high self-esteem guy is a man whose internal status-and-mate-value monitor is reading “high”—usually because he has (or credibly signals) traits that historically converted into rank, resources, and reproductive opportunities."
Discovering Agency Later:
"A person may spend the first decades of life being competent, responsible, even successful, while still living largely inside structures defined by other people: parents, school, career expectations, relationships, social norms. They may become very good at fulfilling roles without ever fully asking, “What do I actually want to do, and what happens if I simply act on my own judgment?”
Then something changes. Sometimes it is a breakup, a career shift, becoming financially independent, moving somewhere new, raising children, mastering a difficult skill, or simply reaching an age where external approval loses some of its force. The person begins making consequential decisions and notices: I can choose. I can act. I can tolerate the consequences. I can change direction if necessary. That realization can be surprisingly exhilarating.
There is often a compounding effect. Agency tends to generate more agency. You make one difficult decision successfully, and your internal model of yourself changes slightly. Then you attempt something larger. You become less frightened of mistakes because you have evidence that mistakes are survivable. Eventually the important discovery is not merely “I can get what I want,” but “I can handle things even when I don't get what I want.”
This can also explain why some people seem to develop rapidly in their thirties, forties, or even much later. Their intelligence or basic capacities may not have suddenly changed. What changes is the relationship they have with their own capacities. They stop treating themselves primarily as someone who must adapt to circumstances and increasingly see themselves as someone who can create circumstances.
There can be a slightly intoxicating phase as well. Once someone discovers this, they may suddenly want to change everything: career, relationships, habits, social life, projects. After years of underusing one's autonomy, the discovery of it can feel almost like finding an unused engine. That can be enormously productive, though mature agency eventually also means knowing when not to act.
And there is an interesting advantage to discovering agency later. Someone who has already experienced dependence, hesitation, failure, constraint, and uncertainty may develop a more grounded form of agency than someone who has always assumed that the world will yield to them. Mature agency contains realism: I have considerable influence over my life, but I do not control everything.
That is probably the deepest version of it: not omnipotence, not constant confidence, but a durable sense of “I can participate actively in shaping my life.” Once that becomes part of someone's identity, it can alter almost everything else."
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